Lost in the Woods, Monday Night

[the_merriest]

So Reno had humiliated himself fabulously and now Rikku and Reno were off for some good-old fashioned dirty time, involving that abandoned shack out in the woods. They'd made it there once and then completely screwed up having dirty time. But this time? They were totally going to the abandoned shack, and there was going to be dirty time.

No, really. The abandoned shack, out in the woods. She knew the way. They'd already been here once. They --

"How did we get lost!?"

(for the reno, who was modded with permission. this post is not going to be NWS, even if by some miracle they find the shack.)

Comments

[raspberryturk]

"Is it just me, or is Fandom just freakin' out to get us?" Reno looked around, raising an eyebrow at the surroundings.

Yep, plenty of 'in the woods,' not so much 'abandoned shack' to go with them.

"Guess we keep wandering. Can't be too hard to get to from here, or nothin'."

... Right?

[the_merriest]

"It's the woods," she sighed. "I mean, how much woods can there even be?"

Said the girl who had never watched that meta for Blair Witch movie.

She looked around again. "You know, maybe we try going that way. And if all else fails, there are plenty of trees out here, right?"

[raspberryturk]

"Plenty of trees," Reno agreed, smirking. Hey. Treesex was just as hot as wallsex. They'd make it work.

While they walked, Reno decided to make small talk. Because he'd been too silent for too much of the day. He had to fill the dead air.

"Remind me never to go within ten meters of a tutu again, okay?"

[the_merriest]

That brought another round of the giggles. "You looked so cute," she grinned. "Especially as a chocobo! I should have asked for a chocobo-ride! And what kinda blackmail of doom did John Sheppard have on you, anyway?"

Look, it was the most logical explanation.

[raspberryturk]

"Wasn't blackmail," Reno replied smoothly. "Was more of a dare, thing. He's gotta pretend at some point that he's been gremlin-bit, because of somethin' that happened in Destiny class while Ghanima was out, zoto."

Leave it to Reno to not back down on something that could very well be a dare.

[the_merriest]

"You know you're insane, right?" she said, conversationally. "At least I taped it. I got yelled at a lot for not showing your chocho-self off sooner. Ooooh, did Romeo see you? And D-- ... oh. Wait. Yeah."

Dojima: still probably a bunny, all things considered.

[raspberryturk]

"See me bein' an idiot, or as a chocobo?" This was important to clarify. Because they had, in fact, seen him as a chocobo. And also, had put him into women's jewelry.

Ugh.

"Romeo saw me. I dunno if Doji's gonna remember, though. Seein' as she's a rabbit and all. How long's she been like that?"

[the_merriest]

"Idiot," Rikku clarified. "I mean, I let them borrow you while you were a chocobo. I kinda had to, you and Petey and Mako were all trying to eat each other. I think you were all just playing but I was starting to run seriously low on sleep."

Nobody wanted to wake up to see a half-eaten dead baby chocobo boyfriend. Really.

"That, uh, that was ... Friday? That was kinda my fault? Alea got out and I knocked but nobody said anything and the curtain was open and I was just gonna leave her in there and I didn't mean to be looking or anything, honest?"

The way her voice was getting more and more panicky and her hands were starting to flail might tip Reno off as to what, exactly, Rikku had accidentally walked in on.

[raspberryturk]

Reno blinked. And... Reno nearly laughed.

"Rikku, I'm not gonna blame you of bein' some kinda voyeur or whatever. Don't worry about it, if they're not freakin' out at you."

Well. Doji was a bunny. She wouldn't be freaking out for a while anyhow. Clearly.

[the_merriest]

"They did freak out!" she squeaked. "And I didn't knock! I mean, I knocked on the outside door but nobody said anything? And Alea was rubbing on my legs and the curtain was kinda open so I thought I'd put her back? I didn't mean to and they freaked out and then FOOM! Bunny! And I was just going to check on them to make sure they were okay 'cause of what happened and all and they were okay, I mean obviously, they were really okay and now: BUNNY."

Flail: On.

[raspberryturk]

"Okay. So, uh. An oops and apology when Doji ain't a bunny is in order. It really ain't a huge deal, I'm thinkin'."

Says the guy whose credibility is in question since dressing in a tutu.

"Ain't like you broke Doji. What were you checkin' on 'em for?"

Reno had heard Radio a few nights back. Reno had a few guesses, really.

[the_merriest]

"Have you ever -- !" Rikku gaped. "I mean -- they were just -- and they're my friends and they were all -- and they were so embarrassed and --"

Okay, that was probably not going to help. She couldn't picture Reno walking in on sex with anything more than a "Oh, hey, wrong door, my bad" and leaving again. Or possibly "Hey, can I join?"

Cue facepalming. "I was worried 'cause he proposed," she said. "Something bad's going on with her and he proposed and I was worried she was gonna freak and I was worried he was gonna take it bad, being let down and apparently they were just fine, you know, except for the whole me walking in and her being a bunny."

[raspberryturk]

Yep. Radio hadn't lied to him, after all.

"I don't think her bein' a bunny is your fault, Rikku." It was important to get that out of the way, up front. "The island is just weird."

Case in point, they'd walked by that same damn tree about seven times now, he was sure. Because he'd kicked it a few times on their fourth pass-by and now there was bark missing from the lower trunk.

Weird.

"How was she supposed to take it? I mean, why would Romeo go and do somethin' like that, anyhow?"

[the_merriest]

Rikku stopped, looking around again. Didn't he kick that tree? That was ...

"Okay, one of us has to have a compass. Right? We pick a direction and we go that way until we find the edge of the woods." So much for the shack. There were other places to have sex, ones that didn't involve walking in circles.

Hotels. Hotels were pretty nice.

She fished through her leg-pouch, frowning. "I just meant -- you know. He was being sweet. She probably got all panicky, 'cause ... that's huge. She didn't even want to say they were dating for a while, you know? I think they took longer with that than we did."

[raspberryturk]

Reno nodded, scrounging in his pockets. His phone had a map-thing going on, there. If nothing else, it might be able to point them in a different direction. Variety while lost was nice, at the very least.

"Well, yeah. That's Romeo, though. Bein' all romantic. I'm just wonderin' what he was tryin' to accomplish with that. 'You had a shitty day, let's get married,' just don't seem like the best way to help Doji outta a mood."

Really, what Rikku had walked in on, that seemed like the more sensible way to do it.

[the_merriest]

Okay, now she was going to stare at him. "I don't think he proposed to cheer her up," she said dryly. "It could've helped. Her dad was -- I don't know the details, but her dad was trying to do something awful and she has to listen to him, 'cause he's her dad, and it's gonna be bad, later on, and so Romeo was saying, hey, marry me and let's run away together. It's impulsive and crazy but ... it's really sweet, you know?"

[raspberryturk]

Reno was going to stare back. Confused. A lot.

"Romeo wanted her to marry him to... keep her away from her old man?" Or something? "How does that work?"

[the_merriest]

She raised an eyebrow, and held a hand out for his phone. Could she navigate, please? He was the city boy, here.

"They were gonna run off together," she said. "And then she'd be Romeo's wife and not her dad's daughter, I mean, legally, so he couldn't be all 'that guy kidnapped her!' or whatever and get the law after them. Besides it was just supposed to be -- you know. Proposing?"

He kept saying it like the word tasted funny. Nice.

[raspberryturk]

He was the city boy. But he was also a Turk. Either way, he handed over the phone, sure.

"I kinda get the feeling that maybe if Doji's dad wants his hands on her bad enough, he's the kinda guy who might not care to pay attention to the law or whatever so much, zoto. I don't think marryin' each other would make much of a difference."

Which was subtle Reno-talk for, 'somebody's gonna get hurt real bad. Really.'

[the_merriest]

"It would probably make a difference to them, since they'd be married," she said, taking the phone and punching the buttons forcefully and not really clear on why she felt huffy all of a sudden. Romeo had done something stupid, but sweet, and Dojima was totally right to tell him no, and she was relieved, and why was she upset with Reno about it, anyway?

[raspberryturk]

"Pieces of paper don't stop bullets," Reno said, bluntly, as he watched her beat up on his phone. The poor thing really hadn't done anything to offend, so far as he knew. "Uh. Maybe take it easy on that?"

[the_merriest]

"Fine, you do it," she said, shoving it back at him and stomping off. In some direction. Hey, she'd pick one. Woo. "Make sure you tell Romeo about that big news of yours. I'm sure he thought paper was gonna stop bullets and now he's screwed."

[raspberryturk]

Oh. This was going well, already.

Reno pocketed his phone and jogged along after her.

"What's the big deal, here? I'm just sayin', I really don't see what kinda difference it would make if they went and got married. I never saw the forces of law and marriage pair off to save the universe before, or nothin'."

[the_merriest]

"It was huge of him to offer," she said, whirling around to look at him. There, that was a concession, right? "And I was worried it'd freak her out, because sometimes she gets jumpy about the whole commitment deal. Not like anyone else I know. And wow, I bring up someone else proposing and you get weird on me. I never saw that coming!"

She had to turn back around. So she could keep walking. Or else she'd run into a tree. That wasn't being bratty. Seriously.

[raspberryturk]

Reno predicted a headache coming on.

"Oh, we're talkin' about us, here. Good to know." He shoved his hands into his pockets and scowled as he continued stalking after her. There was no sense being lost, miserable, and alone in the woods, really. "What, you figure because I ain't got down on one fuckin' knee already, I ain't there for you? I love you less because I haven't proposed or somethin'?"

[the_merriest]

"'Already'?" she said, and this time when she turned around she folded her arms and stared him down. "Right. We both know you're never going to get married."

She was daring him to contradict her. Surprise her, here, Reno.

... please?

[raspberryturk]

Reno stopped in his tracks when she turned around, raising an eyebrow, hands still jammed into his pockets.

Wow, did that ever sound to Reno like one big damn accusation. And it managed to sting like hell and confuse the shit out of him all at the same time.

He wasn't sure if he was supposed to take it as 'we both know you don't have the balls,' or if it was more of an agreement with what he just said.

He really didn't love her less. He reminded himself of that before he shook his head and opened his mouth to reply.

"Right," he stated. "We both know I ain't never gonna marry. Why would I?"

That came out sounding more bitter than he intended. Today had been... just that sort of day.

[the_merriest]

Her eyes squeezed shut and she tried not to flinch, but she didn't manage it. Not nearly.

Why would I?

She kept forgetting that this was temporary. Because he might get called back home at any time. Because Turks didn't live too long. Because even getting a pet required a chain of who'd take it once he was out of here. And because, beyond all that --

I don't date.

It's just a word. You wanna say you're my. ... Girlfriend. Then. Uh.

Why would I?

-- you know. He just wasn't that kinda guy. Liked to keep his options open. Why say 'forever' if you could say 'today'? Might be someone hotter down the line. Might get bored. Might get killed. Fuck it, right?

Good enough to take to bed in the meantime. So long as she didn't ask for much else.

She wasn't walking away now because she was huffy. It was because she wasn't sure she wasn't going to cry, and she wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

[raspberryturk]

Reno's eyebrow furrowed and he set off at a brisk walk after her. Damn it, that wasn't exactly the reaction that he'd been expecting.

Way to fuck it all up again, Reno. All it ever takes is a few wrong words, and off she goes, and it's your fault again. Killer, dirty fuck with the bloody hands, and he can't even talk about his best friend on the island making a proposal without somehow managing to convince Rikku that the best way to head when around him was always the other way.

"Rikku, slow down, would you?" He pressed onward through the trees, ignoring the rock that he'd tripped on twice before, managing to avoid it this time. Lucky him. "Rikku? Can we just stop and talk?"

...

Please?

[the_merriest]

"I-I think I'm going back to the cabin," she called, over her shoulder, trying like hell to keep her voice from sounding like that. Not looking. Not stopping. "Kinda don't feel good. 'Snothing. Just not in the mood for --"

Hot, meaningless sex out in the abandoned shack.

Kinda lost its zing.

[raspberryturk]

It was getting cold out, again. But the cold wasn't in the air tonight, at all.

She probably wouldn't want his jacket, if he offered it to her.

"Please, Rikku, don't-" Don't what? He could run after her and catch her, no problem. Hell, he could stop and wait. She'd come around again. But this wasn't the time to let her go. Not lost. You stop following people who are lost, and then you never see them again, and you wonder years down the road if maybe they're alive somewhere, or if anyone ever found the body to bury it-

He kept her in his sight as he followed behind her. Losing her and bound and determined not to lose her, too.

"Wait up?"

[the_merriest]

At that, she did stop in place, closing her eyes and taking one or two raggedy breaths.

And then she realized that if she waited for him to catch up, he might see her crying.

Even Yevon didn't get to see her cry.

So she was going to start walking again. Head down. Arms folded.

"Nothing to talk about."

There really wasn't. She needed to stop getting attached. The end.

[raspberryturk]

"I dunno, I kinda beg to differ." Fine. She wasn't going to stop, then he was going to run and catch up. Again. "We were talkin' about Romeo and Doji, and it became about you and me, and you said I probably wasn't gonna marry, and ... What? What about that's got you walkin' away from me again?"

He didn't mean to put as much emphasis into again as he had, either.

But.

[the_merriest]

She stopped in place, which meant he could at least catch up. See? That was very nice of her.

She was just going to stare at the ground and close her eyes and wait for him to make sense.

That wasn't going to happen.

So she'd open her mouth and tell him, you know, that maybe she had to walk away so she wouldn't keep giving him little parts of herself that she'd never get back and he didn't want anyway.

That wouldn't really come out, either.

Why did he keep doing this? Cracking the door and letting her slip around it and then making a big show of shoving her back outside again and putting the deadbolt on?

Maybe it was fun for him. She couldn't say.

She couldn't seem to say anything right now.

[raspberryturk]

He caught up, pulled one hand from his pocket to rest against a tree while he made the motions of catching his breath.

And he shook his head. He didn't dare close his eyes. If he blinked, she'd be gone again.

"I don't get it," he said. Because the silence was deafening and he had to break it with something. "You got my loyalty and my love and I gave you my name, my own boss don't even know if I'm more yours or a Turk. And then we get into talkin' about someone else's proposal, and it ain't enough all over again."

Okay. Now he had to shut his eyes.

"I don't know what you want, yoto."

[the_merriest]

"You," she said softly, getting frustrated by now. Wasn't that obvious!? Why was he asking her to humiliate herself and pull all of this out into the open again? "I want you. And you want me, as long as it's just for now and it doesn't interrupt anything else you need to be doing. As long as I remember you're a Turk first and you can't stay too long. We can ... go to bed, and spend time together, and you'll let me pretend it means something, so long as I know that ... when the clock strikes twelve, you go right back to not giving a damn."

Maybe they shouldn't be bothering with this charade at all.

[raspberryturk]

Pretend.

Pretend, like nothing ever meant anything. Because that's what all of this has been. Right. Some kind of make-believe game. Pretend. Like what normal kids did when they lived normal fucking lives and didn't have to worry about eating or not.

He'd become spoiled by Fandom and turned into some kind of normal kid and now Rikku was accusing him of just... playing.

Good. Good to know.

"Tseng told me to pack my bags, a while back. Told me I was goin' back to Edge. That bein' here was stupid." Just fucking pretending. Yeah. "I asked him which fuckin' army was gonna drag me away."

[the_merriest]

"Y-you mean ..." She dared a look up at him. Nervous. Uncertain. "You ... you don't have to go back."

Not a Turk. Free. He was? Really? She almost couldn't believe it. As much as she wanted to.

[raspberryturk]

Reno couldn't answer. He couldn't. Because he could hear that glimmer of hope in her voice and he was going to have to open his mouth and tell her that nothing could be farther from the truth, and he'd break her. And breaking her would break him. And this was why Reno wasn't allowed to have anything worth keeping.

Ever.

He chewed on his lip for a moment. Words. Words.

He wasn't allowed to have words, either. So he just tightened his fist against the tree trunk and tried like hell not to shake.

"It never works that way."

No, Reno. No words. Take them back.

Turk.

[the_merriest]

Another flinch.

"No," she said. "It doesn't."

Especially if you don't want it to.

That was that, wasn't it? Nothing else to say. He could be free. He could be hers. But he'd rather not. This was a choice, after all.

Better to have all this out in the open. Wasn't it? So she'd ... know, what it really was. Okay. Good. She should feel relieved.

She should feel something.

[raspberryturk]

"One thing sayin' no when Tseng's bein' an ass outta spite. Another thing to say no when they need me. I can't. That's not what Turks are."

Tseng would come after Rikku with a gun. Clean shot. Between the eyes.

You can't say no to being a Turk.

[the_merriest]

"And that's what really matters," she said. Flat. Empty. Dead. A leaf blowing away in the wind. "Being a Turk, zoto."

Not him. Not Fandom. Not them.

Not her. Never her.

Just more excuses. I could say no, but ... I'd rather not. Tseng didn't have an army. But Reno wasn't ... bored, yet, of being here.

Right. Okay, then.

[raspberryturk]

"This ain't what it sounds like, Rikku."

It so, so wasn't.

"I'm not... not choosin' nothin' over anything. I don't have the choice."

[the_merriest]

"If you didn't have the choice," she said carefully, "you couldn't have told him no."

Why had Fandom shown her Ruba? Just to taunt her?

"I mean, that's what you're telling me, isn't it?"

We can't have forever; I'd rather get killed for my job. You would've gotten tiring eventually.

[raspberryturk]

"No, that's not-" This wasn't working. Reno was failing at words. Badly. Again. Always. "Rikku, I don't get the choice when they need me back. Tseng'll drag me back himself if he has to."

Turk. For life. Or for the opposite. Either way.

[the_merriest]

"Maybe I don't want to just be your temporary fling any more," she said, quietly. It sounded so loud, in her ears. "Maybe if ... I'm only good enough while you're sitting around waiting, I ... deserve better than that."

Someone who might want a future, and not just a 'now.' Maybe Reno wouldn't have a future to offer. Maybe he would get killed in six months. But if he didn't, he still didn't want to be hers, so why was she pretending it was his job that was going to tear them apart again?

I don't date.

Should've listened.

[raspberryturk]

Reno wanted to argue that point. He really, really did.

But the fight in him was leaving and he was just left with sting and cold.

"You deserve better," he agreed.

What was he?

Dirty. Right back to the blood and the dirt he was going to go, and she believed that she was just a stopover on the way. Dirty.

She said it herself. She deserved better. How could he argue that?

[the_merriest]

"I think I'd rather have you," she said, really softly. There, in all its weak and stupid and patheticness: the truth. He could go ahead and laugh at her now. At least she'd said it, so this whole mess could be over with.

She couldn't find it very funny, herself. She was just going to nod carefully and start walking away.

[raspberryturk]

He didn't follow.

Not this time.

Because when it came down to comparing between what she deserved, what she wanted, and what he had to offer...

"I'd give myself to you just like that," he mumbled, pressing his forehead against the tree and not daring to speak loudly enough that she might hear, "if I was my own man to give."