MHA #1, Friday Evening

[the_merriest]

Rikku was okay. She was. She was back on the island with her Reno-person and their pets. And Reno didn't seem okay, and she wasn't sure she knew how to help, because it felt lately like they were talking _past_ each other, and nothing seemed to help. Maybe she was doing it wrong. It was okay, though. She'd just do it better. Whatever it was.

She was trying not to think about how he'd been out late, lately. She'd been proud when she showed Tseng that there wasn't a pile of liquor in the fridge, but that didn't mean he wasn't, say, stopping for an hour or three at the bar.

It was all the stress. So she was going to ... help with the stress. Somehow. And be cheery and helpful and ... somehow, that was going to fix everything. It had to.

Oh, hey, a letter! One from Yunie. See, this wouldn't be a bad day. Yunie would write some cheerful story and Rikku would laugh and it'd be all okay.

Except ...

Except this wasn't a ... cheerful letter. And phrases were swimming, like I wouldn't ask and please, Rikku, you're the only one who can and please let me know soon. Dutiful, polite, and sorry to impose, because ... because asking her to go back there, well, gee, it'd be hard, but that was okay. It was for the Good of Everyone, and Yuna cared about the Good of Everyone, so obviously, Rikku should, too. So personal feelings were silly and should be ignored. Right? Right.

Hardly realizing she was doing it, Rikku crumpled up the letter into a ball and threw it against the wall. A moment later, she picked up a vase and threw that, flinching at the sound it made when it broke.

One sob escaped before she had a hand over her eyes. Crying? No. Not now. Get it together.

She just ... needed a minute. Then she'd be okay again. Soon. Really.

(just for her turk. this one has nothing to do with fun phone-day antics and everything to do with some messiness that's been bubbling up, zomg. Warning: the conversation below will probably touch on some of Reno's drinking issues, so if that's going to be triggery, please stay away.)

Comments

[the_merriest]

She almost lied. Not that it would help matters, since he wasn't exactly buying it, but it wasn't just him that she was lying to. Lie to yourself long enough, and you can even start believing it.

She had something planned, some bullshit evasion, and couldn't bring herself to act chipper and say it.

"She ... wouldn't ask if she had any other choice," she said, carefully. Some terrible part of her whispered that Yuna didn't appreciate what she was asking, anyway. "I think she forgets that we're not all as ... as good and perfect and fucking wonderful as she is."

Yunie wasn't asking anything of anyone that she wouldn't give herself, if given the chance. That was supposed to make it okay.

"I shouldn't have said that," she added, quickly, feeling a stab of disloyalty.

[raspberryturk]

"Why? She ain't gonna hear you said it from me," Reno replied evenly, depositing the glass on the table next to the letter. He'd throw them out later. The kitchen was too damn far away, right then. He was going to sit down on the couch beside Rikku, and worry about the rest whenever they were finished. "You can't speak your mind here, where the hell can you speak it?"

[the_merriest]

"She's my cousin," Rikku said firmly. "She needs help, and she ..."

Always needed help. Had to save the world. Couldn't take a fucking vacation. St. Yuna would never have ditched Spira to come to Fandom, but St. Yuna was kind and forgiving enough that she didn't resent Rikku doing it. Which made it _worse_.

"I shouldn't say it to anyone," she said. "I shouldn't be thinking it. And you have enough to ....... d-deal with. Without."

Hello, Mr. Elephant! Welcome to the room.

[raspberryturk]

Reno knew that elephant quite well. He was a most fetching shade of pink.

"Yeah, but that ain't news," he noted, shrugging and then sneaking an arm around her shoulder. "She ever once thank you for all you done for her?"

He was just curious. Turks weren't exactly used to getting accolades or anything, but at least they were getting paid for the shit they got into.

[the_merriest]

Rikku was ... was going to lean over. Against his arm. Against his torso.

"She said please?" she offered, weakly. "I think she thinks ... greater good, so ... it all works out. We're helping people. Except ... I was never helping people. Just ... her."

Mmmm, codependency.

[raspberryturk]

"Right..." Reno frowned, pulling her a little closer. Now was a good time for closer. Closer was nice. "So she... wants you to, what? Drop everything, go stompin' around Spira playin' Summoner's Pet Cousin again, an' it's all okay that she expects you to go, because fuck, that Rikku, she don't even ask for a thank you or nothin' anyhow? You already helped her save the godsdamned world. What more does she want?"

Reno's opinion of fucking selfish heroes was showing, maybe a little.

[the_merriest]

Rikku exhaled. "No, it's ... they need ... there's a fiend. A bad one. Popping up while people are doing excavations, yeah? And Yunie got some people together to go, but there are sandstorms, so everyone keeps getting lost, so they need a native to guide them, and ..."

.... okay, she'd been trying to avoid mentioning Bikanel, so 'native' was probably a slip, there.

[raspberryturk]

Reno damn near stood straight up at that and yelled. Damn. Friggin'. Near.

"She wants to drag you back there?!"

Give him a moment. He was trying to kill a summoner with his brain.

[the_merriest]

Rikku closed her eyes. "She .............. there were attacks. On the excavations. She said she was sorry to a-ask. She wasn't there ..... sh-she wasn't there when it ........... they took her out, first. She didn't see ........"

She had to have known it was bad. There had been Al Bhed guarding the Sanctum. Isaaru said that they had protected the Summoners with their lives. There had been fire and death, down there, even if that was well before all of Home had crumbled.

She felt so tired.

"I can't do it," she said. "I have to. But I can't."

[raspberryturk]

Reno knew. Reno knew what that request was, to Rikku. That request was him, doing rounds of Midgar because he was a local. But with less guilt and more...

Fuck, Reno didn't even know what.

"Don't," he said, simply. "There are other Al Bhed, Rikku. Maybe some that weren't right there when the world fell apart. It ain't just unfair of her to ask that of you, it's fuckin' sick."

[the_merriest]

Rikku was staring at the floor. "I haven't been back there," she said. "Not since. Maybe I should go back. I c-could ..."

She shook her head again. "I could go back," she said. "But n-not with her. Because I'd have to ... pretend it was okay, because she'd be worried, and I wouldn't want to upset her, and so I'd have to act normal so she wouldn't feel bad, and I don't ........"

She had nearly said 'I don't think I can', but that wasn't true, and maybe that was okay to say.

"I don't want to," she said. There was something terrifying about saying that. And freeing.

She glanced over at Reno. "Have you ever ........ I m-mean. Midgar? Have you?"

[raspberryturk]

Reno's smile was thin as he nodded, just a little.

"Patrollin', lookin' for monsters. Lookin' for survivors. Lookin' for bodies. Yeah, I done that. Part of the job, in Edge. I mean, ain't the same, you can't go too far in for the Mako, but... I wouldn't wish goin' back on anybody, zoto."

You couldn't find Sector Five anymore, for all the ruins. Not that he was particularly fond of it, but... That was where he'd grown up, so.

"If you ever did go back... I mean, if you ever wanted to... You know you don't gotta pretend to be fine for me, babe. I'd understand."

[the_merriest]

Back to the floor again.

"No," she said. "I'm not ... you have enough to deal with. The last thing you need is me being weird at you."

[raspberryturk]

"No," Reno corrected, "last thing I need is a cactuar in my pants. You bein' weird at me ain't all that bad."

That was helpful, Reno. Good show.

"Besides, I'm dealin' with my garbage. And I can put it on hold for a bit in order to help the girl I care about deal with hers, yo."

[the_merriest]

Rikku shivered. "You're ... not okay," she said. "You aren't. You've been out late again. And I'm not ............. helping."

[raspberryturk]

Reno shrugged right back. "I ain't really askin' for it."

For help.

[the_merriest]

Rikku huffed. "So it shouldn't bother me?" she said. "It's all eating at you and I think everything I say is wrong. I don't know what to do. I worry and I don't say anything because I don't know what to say and I ... it's getting weird. And I d-d-don't like the ... way it's getting weird."

[raspberryturk]

"... Weird?" Reno... didn't have much else to say, really. He managed, at least, to look somewhat chagrined, but now the topic of conversation had gone from how Yuna was upsetting Rikku to how he was, and that was... that was a different matter completely.

[the_merriest]

Rikku studied his face for a long moment. "You d-don't ... think it's weird? With us?"

Maybe it was all in her head? Please?

[raspberryturk]

Reno opened his mouth to reply. And then... kind of... faltered. And lifted his shoulder a little. And looked at the floor.

"Maybe it is."

That hurt to say, right there.

[the_merriest]

Rikku closed her eyes, like she could make that somehow not have happened. Except. Better to know. Wasn't it?

"Y-you've been at the bar."

It wasn't an accusation. Just ... to let him know she knew.

[raspberryturk]

Reno couldn't deny that, either. Much as he wished he could. Fuck, he was a Turk. Spitting out the lie and making it believable would be simple enough. It was something he'd been doing for years.

"Off-island," he said, instead, "most of the time. To keep it off radio."

[the_merriest]

Rikku nodded, again.

"You don't ...." She hesitated. "So I won't find out?"

There was ... something sweet in that, if twisted.

[raspberryturk]

Reno shrugged a bit, but he wasn't going to backtrack on this 'honesty' thing, now that he'd started the train down the track toward the cliff where the rails let out.

"Mostly that," he agreed. "Part so the students don't see me at it. This island don't need more of my shit than it's already got over the years, zoto."

[the_merriest]

Rikku nodded, tugging her feet up to the edge of the couch so she could hug her knees.

"You're bottling," she said.

That wasn't an accusation, either. She'd have to be a massive hypocrite to be upset with him about that.