Room of Handwaviness, Arms Hotel, Early Saturday Morning

[the_merriest]

Today? Today was Reno's birthday. He wasn't a teenager any more. She was going to tease him a lot about being oooooold.

When he woke up. Because they were celebrating in Fandom this weekend, since his home was kinda depressing (no offense) and her home had everybody in everybody else's business (downside of living in a commune of sorts) and neither would allow for a nice, relaxing weekend spent cuddling and not ever getting out of bed, ever.

Rikku was mostly asleep, and trying to convince herself to go back to all asleep. And wondering if Reno was up. She'd trade "back to sleep" for "morning gropey times" if he was. She was flexible like that.

(Reno modded with permission. THIS POST IS FOR: Reno, and anyone who might call Rikku or Reno frantically to panic about their AU sprog. Nice, relaxing weekend? Fandom laughs at this idea! Wait for ze OCD!)

Comments

Re: Reno's Cell!

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"You have to help me." That was not her usual greeting. Not by a long shot. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, I fucked up. I think I fucked up. I mean I didn't fuck up. Oh, this isn't happening ..."

Trust Elena to get right to the point in a clear, helpful fashion.

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

"If you're freakin' out that much, it's probably happening," Reno replied. He was trying very much to sound like he wasn't amused at the expense of the Rookie, but... Well. He'd gotten a call from Arthur already, and he knew that today was the day after Prom. You could set a calendar by this sort of thing.

"So, you hangin' upside-down by a mountain or something?"

This did not mean that Reno was going to let her off the hook easily, by telling her what he already knew.

Re: Reno's Cell!

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"Not funny," Elena said sharply. She pinched her nose and stared at the ... baby ... who seemed to be clapping his hands and giggling at Rookie. Who, for her part, didn't know what to make of him.

"Okay, so," and this was a far more professional tone of voice, ignore how strained it sounded, "the weirdest thing. Someone's kid got lost, showed up at my doorstep. What's local protocol for this? Police station?"

She totally believed that. A lot. See?

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

"Elena, this is Fandom, kiddo. There's probably protocol, but the cops I worked for here were a trigger happy dog and his lagomorph pal."

Also, he'd fed doughnut crumbs to the Vice President of the United States of America on a regular basis, because he sometimes forgot to buy more fish flakes.

"Might wanna start by findin' out who the daddy is."

Re: Reno's Cell!

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"And the mom," Elena said. There was such a hopeful tone to it. It was almost cute. "So he can -- find his parents, and --"

Reno had to be able to hear that, in the background. A wee one chanting, "Mum-mum-mum-mum-mum" and holding his arms up for kisses. Kisses! For him!

"Oh, no," she mumbled, flopping down on the bed. Carefully. So she didn't land on the kid. "Please tell me you're not serious?"

To either of them. Or both. Either-both. Something like that?

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

"The worst part is sendin' 'em back home," Reno contributed, so very helpfully. "What's the kid look like, Mum-mum-mum?"

Re: Reno's Cell!

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"Smile, kiddo," Elena said, holding out her phone and snapping a picture. "See for yourself. I, uh, think the father's not gonna be so hard."

Veld, for his part, reached over to grab the phone. And cooed happily and babbled and -- okay, yes, Elena was laughing. What? He was cute.

Even if he was going to get her fired.

"I'm ... completely fucked here, aren't I?" she asked, with a deep sigh.

Once he saw the picture, he'd understand. Well. After he cooed over the kid. Because ... come on. Cute kid.

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

"Awwwwwww," Reno allowed as the picture loaded.

And then, about three seconds later, he was laughing again.

... He'd be a moment. Really.

Re: Reno's Cell!

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"Great," Elena said darkly. "Go ahead and laugh, while I get fired."

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

"What, he's gonna fire you over a maybe?" Reno managed to tame the chuckling, for the most part. "Or is this a for sure? You hid that pregnancy real well, Rookie. Rude an' I never even suspected."

Special hell had a place reserved for Reno.

Re: Reno's Cell!

[turklings.livejournal.com]

"Please. That would require Tseng actually --" Elena started. She didn't get to finish.

Hey, look! PHONE! Veld was gonna STEAL IT. Swipe!

His phone! Scoooooore. He was going to push a few buttons on the keypad just like Mommy did and then put it near his face.

"He-yooooooooooo?"

See! He knew what to say to phones!

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

"Oh, sweet mother of Titan. Who the hell let you be so damn cute, huh?" Reno was going to pretty much have to demand to meet this kid when he got Elena back on the line. "You got the phone, kiddo? You totally snatched a Turk's phone right outta her hands? You're a friggin' natural, squirt."

Re: Reno's Cell!

[turklings.livejournal.com]

"Turk!" He knew that word! He was going to say it again and again and again! "Turk turk turk! I smooshy bah-nah-nah anna padah I go iffy boo cah danna flah! Uh-oh! Anna BOOM!"

See? He totally knew that was Reno. Reno meant boom! He liked boom.

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

He smooshed a banana and a panda?

"Boom," Reno laughed, grabbing on to the word out of all of those words that he was fairly certain they both could relate to. "Damn right, kid. Turks make things boom."

Re: Reno's Cell!

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"Booooooom!" he said, squealing happily. "Mum-mum-mum-mum-mum."

And that seemed to be the cue for the mum-mum-mum in question to wiggle the phone back from her ... from the baby who was in the room with her and for some reason, called her 'mum.' Complete mystery why.

"What do I do now?" she said, staring at the wee one. "I don't even know his name."

She hadn't named him Tseng Jr. or anything lame like that, had she?

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

"Best as I can figure, Rookie, you feed him when he's hungry an' clean him when he shits."

Reno sounded entirely too chipper when he said that, yes.

Re: Reno's Cell!

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, you'd be a great father," she grumbled. "I mean, do I call him? I have to, don't I? I don't know for sure, I mean, it could be some other Wutaian guy."

A moment while she caught up. "What exactly do you feed them?"

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

"... Try baby food?"

Reno was pretty certain they made that stuff. He'd sort of stocked up on a little bit of everything that ever existed for babies, that one time Rikku had called him in a frenzy over Jan.

"And anyhow, how likely is it you're gonna get knocked up by some random Wutaian guy?"

Re: Reno's Cell!

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"You really think Tseng's more likely?"

It was Tseng.

She was going to scribble this down somewhere. Baby food. There were stores in town. Someone could help her. She hoped.

"Hey, sweetie, be careful with the kitty, okay?"

Rookie ... seemed unfazed. And Elena needed a nap.

Re: Reno's Cell!

[raspberryturk]

"This is Fandom, Elena. Likely ain't got nothin' to do with it." Reno shrugged, not that she could see. "Take a head count of the kids around the island this weekend, you'll find kids that got two mommies, two daddies, parents that ain't never gonna meet. Parents that ain't never gonna get the chance. I'm willin' to bet that the odds are, the kid currently tryin' to eat Rookie is Tseng's."

Fandom liked to get its shits and giggles that way.