Room 429, Friday Night

[the_merriest]

Finals were over, and it was kinda cold out. Which made it a perfect night for staying in, snuggled up with blankets and hot chocolate.

"We could watch movies," Rikku said. "It seems like a movie kinda night. So long as it's something completely brainless, 'cause my brain is all pfffurtz."

(for the boy whose room it is)

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[raspberryturk]

"Pfffurtz," Reno echoed, quirking an eyebrow faintly. "After that final we had today in chem, that ain't no surprise. And anyhow, it's been a 'pfffurtz' kinda week, yo. Weird one."

It had been.

He snuggled a little closer to her and shut his eyes. "Pfffurtz."

[the_merriest]

"It's a fun sound to make," she agreed, wriggling in closer. "Weird how? Mine just had finals. Finals aren't all that weird. I think I did good on the chem final, so that's pretty neat. But then, I'm kind of a nerd."

Quick kiss on the tip of his nose. "You knew I was, right?"

[raspberryturk]

"The weirdness is cute," Reno noted, cracking open one eye and smirking faintly. "Endearing, yo. S'other stuff 's been goin' on, you know? Makin' busy. Weird-ass nightmares. Job offers."

That last part was a totally offhand mention. Nothing special about that one in the least.

[the_merriest]

"Nightmares?" she asked, frowning. "That ... doesn't sound good. Maybe you're worrying too much, and it's making your brain act funny."

She only hesitated a second before adding, "You ... heard from Tseng?"

[raspberryturk]

"My funny brain showed me exactly what life'd be like if I hadn't joined the Turks. If that's worry talkin', then 'worry' looks too damn real." He shifted his weight uneasily, remembering every last gory little detail of the vision he'd seen the other night. And then he gave his head a shake.

"And not Tseng, no. I mean. Talked to him a couple of days ago, but that wasn't it. I mean... Someone else. Can't give too many details. Just, it looks like it'd be clean work. They want to... put me through college."

He made a weird sort of face at that.

"Can't see me in college."

[the_merriest]

Rikku folded her arms, thinking, and trying to figure out which to react to, first.

"What happened? In your nightmare, I mean."

Okay. That one, and then ... the other.

[raspberryturk]

"It was... wasn't... Nothin', I mean. It was just, me. And then when Tseng offered me a job with the Turks, I turned him down. And it didn't change a hell of a lot, except I died a nobody under the plate when Meteor was comin' down."

He shuddered a little.

"Never got to see the sky. Fuckin' weird-ass dreams."

[the_merriest]

"You weren't ever a nobody," she said softly, staring at her hands. "So ... what do you think it means? Maybe you got that for a reason, yeah?"

[raspberryturk]

Reno lifted a shoulder.

"Means I felt like maybe I should call Tseng to thank him for offerin' me the Turks," he replied. "And... I mean. I would'a been nobody. It felt real, Rikku. Like it would'a happened that way, if I did that one thing different."

[the_merriest]

"Maybe it was real," she said carefully. "Maybe that's ... you know. What would have happened. You would have stayed under there, and not ... seen the sky."

She shook her head. "Still weren't a nobody."

[raspberryturk]

Reno gave her a bit of a wry grin, shaking his head slightly.

"Knowin' Fandom, I wouldn't be surprised if maybe it was real, zoto." The grin faded pretty quickly, then. "That other guy. The one I might've been... He was a nobody. He was nothin'. It wasn't that he was tryin' and he failed. He baked his own brain away. Wasn't usin' it anyhow."

[the_merriest]

"That doesn't mean --" She bit her lip, not sure what she'd been about to say, or even how to express it properly without sounding like ...

"I wish you wouldn't say that. You weren't nobody."

She folded her arms around her knees, tucking her chin against her legs. "So ... I mean. Do you think it was ..."

[raspberryturk]

"Think it was...? Was what? It don't count if you choose to let yourself rot," he said, pretty firmly. "I wasn't ever a nobody. I wasn't gonna ever let myself be one. That other guy. That other me... He didn't get to say the same. And not just because he'd be dead right now. He'd be a nobody because he gave up an' rolled over and did everything in his power to make damn sure he was one."

[the_merriest]

"Just because he said no to the Turks?" she asked, giving him a sharp look. "That means ... he was nobody, he was a loser, he ... deserved it? Really?"

[raspberryturk]

That earned a deep sort of scowl and he curled his lip back into a sneer.

"If it was just that he wasn't a Turk, Rikku, we wouldn't be talkin' about this. He was a slum-gang punk who got hooked on the bad shit and doped himself up until he looked worse'n I did in my ID photo and felt nothin' until he died a particularly gruesome sorta death."

And when Reno called it gruesome, it had to be nasty.

[the_merriest]

Rikku was going to stare at him for a few seconds.

"Why do you hate him?" she said, finally.

Not accusing. Just ... curious.

[raspberryturk]

He was going to stare back for a few seconds more.

"I came too damn close to becomin' that kid."

[the_merriest]

"But you said yes, instead of no," she said. "So ... you hate him because he picked the wrong answer."

The one that lead to him killing for ShinRa.

And the one that lead to him being here.

Life was fun like that.

[raspberryturk]

"No. I respect him for sayin' no. It's what he did with himself after that." He squeezed his eyes shut. Frowned. Pressed his fingers against his forehead.

"He gave up."

[the_merriest]

Oh. She chewed her lower lip, mulling that for a few seconds.

"Why?" she asked. "I mean ... why did he ... give up?"

Reno was always so ... driven. Hungry. She couldn't picture him giving up like that.

[raspberryturk]

He shook his head. Shrugged his shoulders.

"Givin' up was easier. Maybe the drugs were that good. I dunno. Freakin' punk deserved what he got, anyhow. Idiot-ass little bastard."

Yeah. He really, really hated that other him.

[the_merriest]

"Stop it," she said sharply. "He walked away from the Turks. Maybe he didn't like what they did. Maybe he didn't want to live like that. That doesn't make him weak, or stupid. And then maybe he realized he didn't have another way out, and it kinda crushed him. That makes him human. What is with you?"

[raspberryturk]

"He walked away because he was too damn proud to accept help when Tseng offered it to him. It wasn't for any noble friggin' cause, Rikku." Reno pulled back and crossed his arms over his chest, scowling at her. "It makes him dead, is what it makes him. Dead with nothin' in his life worth givin' a shit over anyhow. Good for him."

[the_merriest]

"Maybe that was all he had," she said, folding her own arms and glaring back. "His pride. Did you think about it, when Tseng offered you a job? Just ... telling him to shove it, cause you had your pride?"

[raspberryturk]

"Yeah, I thought about it!" Deep breath. Curling his lip and shoving his mug to the side and giving his head a shake and trying not to raise his voice. Right, then. "I ain't any better than he was, maybe. Okay? I'm not sittin' here sayin', oh, yeah, that other guy, man, I'm happy he went and bumped off. But I ain't the one who decided by fourteen that instead of eatin', I'd rather shoot myself up with whatever nasty crap I could toss together by scrapin' shit out of old bleach bottles and mixin' it with the local filth of the day, either."

Yes, this was a sticking point for Reno. Even if he didn't have the most pleasant of vices, himself.