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Okay. So. She'd tried sleeping some, last night. Got some sleep. Not much.
He sounded like hell on the radio; she felt like hell, right about now.
So Rikku was going to sit, hugging her knees, by door 429.
(for he whose door was modded with permission. note: this conversation gets kinda serious, touching on his drinking issues, so viewer discretion is advised.)
He sounded like hell on the radio; she felt like hell, right about now.
So Rikku was going to sit, hugging her knees, by door 429.
(for he whose door was modded with permission. note: this conversation gets kinda serious, touching on his drinking issues, so viewer discretion is advised.)
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Date: 2008-10-08 07:32 am (UTC)He didn't. Really.
"I don't."
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Date: 2008-10-08 07:40 am (UTC)She made a frustrated noise. "That one's stupid. You said it because you knew it was safe. Would never happen, anyway. Right?"
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Date: 2008-10-08 07:44 am (UTC)"I said it 'cause I meant it."
Maybe he should be standing up, now. Yeah. Standing up and shoving his hands into his pockets. Didn't drink enough, tonight. Could do that. Or maybe just sleep. Or call Tseng and figure out what the hell was up anyhow.
Or cry.
"Last night, I said I didn't know what was goin' on. I don't. Afraid to look. Might explode in my face or somethin'. Finds a way. All the time."
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Date: 2008-10-08 07:51 am (UTC)It had never been anything else. Not with his job, his boss, his world.
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Date: 2008-10-08 07:55 am (UTC)He shook his head and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. Breathing. Breathing was important.
Gonna get into his room and break out the tequila. Yeah.
"I'm not gonna... make you just... wait for this. I mean. If you can't. If you're scared. You don't have to be all..."
All of the tequila.
"You don't have to pretend to be okay with this. I don't want that."
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Date: 2008-10-08 07:58 am (UTC)Alive, and hers. That was what it came down to, wasn't it?
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:01 am (UTC)It was tired. Empty. Kind of hollow.
It was words.
Maybe it wasn't an argument. He didn't know, anymore, what he was supposed to be doing, now.
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-08 08:11 am (UTC)Not gonna snap. Not gonna break. Held it together all damn weekend. Did what he had to do. Kept his head on right.
Not gonna crumble. Not now.
"Nothing."
Not gonna.
"No room. For. Right."
Not until he was in his room with the door shut behind him.
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:47 am (UTC)"If you're supposed to ... keep me under surveillance, or ... something like that." Like come after her, say. "Will you ... do I get a warning?"
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:49 am (UTC)Didn't give Tseng a report. Didn't dump her. Didn't leave the island just because the boss was throwing a snit about her. Sure as hell wasn't going to do 'something like that.'
"Not like they have any reason to keep an eye on you anyhow, zoto."
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:51 am (UTC)She glanced over at him. "... Nobody told you?"
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:53 am (UTC)"... No?"
No, nobody had told him anything. Which was maybe why his head hurt so much right now.
"Told me what?"
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:55 am (UTC)Kinda sucked at that.
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Date: 2008-10-08 08:58 am (UTC)There were words coming out of Rikku's mouth now that Reno was pretty certain he was hallucinating. Maybe? He had to be. Because.
... Because he just... did.
"You... did? On who? What?"
This was going... Badly. Wrong. It was wrong. Everything was inside-out and nothing was supposed to be like this.
"Are you okay?"
It was a stupid question, and he knew it. But it was words, sane words, some grasp of maybe normal conversation and inside-out had turned into upside-down, and it was working on somersaults, next.
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Date: 2008-10-08 09:01 am (UTC)She shrugged. "'M fine. Nobody was ... he never ... it was never gonna be him. So I was gonna say it should be. This time. And Tseng ... y'know. Got all. Whatever. So I didn't."
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Date: 2008-10-08 09:06 am (UTC)Which was... good. Because Rikku shooting at Shinra would be bad. Because it would mean no Rikku. Which was very not good. And.
And.
Wrong. All wrong. Last week had been perfect and they were going to go to homecoming together and there was talk about maybe Spira and chocobos and they were laughing at their stupid pets and and and and he just.
Couldn't.
Had to just. Talk. But there weren't words. So he.
His arms were around her and he was crumbling. Swore he wouldn't. Lied. Crying into her shoulder. Feeling like an idiot. Feeling dead.
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Date: 2008-10-08 05:06 pm (UTC)She buried her face against his shirt and tried like hell not to start sobbing. "I'm sorry," she said. "I ... I'm ..."
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Date: 2008-10-08 05:18 pm (UTC)He wasn't going to let go. Couldn't.
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Date: 2008-10-08 05:21 pm (UTC)"Couldn't ... help it, it was, you were ... you were gone. You were gone, and and and he's evil and he was never going t-to ... h-he ... it sh-should've been him and I ... please don't ... i-i-if you hate me ..."
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Date: 2008-10-08 05:25 pm (UTC)He was.
He...
"S'good you didn't. Means you're safe. And... And. S'just... S'you and... Yeah."
He hoped, hoped, hoped that she understood what he was trying to get at, this time. Wasn't about Rufus. Wasn't. Reno didn't give a shit about Rufus. Didn't have to, anymore. Man was standing, man was healthy, if Reno could be done with it, he would be.
Rikku meant so, so much more than that.
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Date: 2008-10-08 05:32 pm (UTC)Because she couldn't breathe, and couldn't stay standing, and her heart was breaking all over again, and she had thought it was just dead and ... inside? Please?
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Date: 2008-10-08 05:57 pm (UTC)That.
He opened the door and glanced at her, biting his lip a little. Maybe if he could pretend not to notice the stale smoke in the air, the emptied bottles, and the cigarette butts littered around the room, she wouldn't notice them, either.
"Inside?"
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Date: 2008-10-08 06:05 pm (UTC)"I'm sorry," she said, trying to get her composure back together. "For ... I just ... didn't want him to ... get away with it. It's not fair. Nothing's ever fair. And I didn't do it, anyway, I don't know why I didn't, and I don't know why it bugs me that I wanted to, and I don't know why it bugs me that I ... when I woke up, you were gone. Off getting orders. And. We packed, 'cause ..."
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Date: 2008-10-08 06:12 pm (UTC)Reno nodded and shut his door behind him, glancing around the room, and then letting his eyes settle somewhere around his toes.
"I think you're better'n that. Than shootin' someone in cold blood like that. It's... It wouldn't be you, I don't think. S'what scares me. Not about Rufus. S'about you. Rufus can go fuck himself."
No. Really. He could. All he wanted. Reno didn't care, anymore.
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