"I ..." She couldn't find words at first, and it was so fucking tempting to shut the hell up and curl up with him and let that be the end of it.
Except. Except. Except.
She pulled away, slightly, letting one hand cover her eyes. Breathe.
"I can't ... if I stay, it's ... I said I'd leave. Because. I still have ... some ..." Pride? Dignity?
"I want to stay more than anything and I can't," she managed. All in one breath. Breathing. "'Cause. I won't leave again. You. And. We can't go on like this, I can't be ... just ... then you hear from them, and then you let me know, but it could change, and it's never me. I can't."
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Except. Except. Except.
She pulled away, slightly, letting one hand cover her eyes. Breathe.
"I can't ... if I stay, it's ... I said I'd leave. Because. I still have ... some ..." Pride? Dignity?
"I want to stay more than anything and I can't," she managed. All in one breath. Breathing. "'Cause. I won't leave again. You. And. We can't go on like this, I can't be ... just ... then you hear from them, and then you let me know, but it could change, and it's never me. I can't."