the_merriest | Room 308, Wednesday Midday

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Room 308, Wednesday Midday

Rikku was in her room. Working on her mech droid thing for Invent-o-whatever class.

Which was, thus far, a miserable failure, and not helped much by Petey attempting to eat the outlying bits of it.

That was okay. It was a mech droid. Mech droids were safe. Not arguments or coats or anything else she wasn't thinking about. Because she wasn't. She was working on her mech droid.

She had a fruit basket on her desk - hers, from class, because she hadn't given it to anyone yet. Because that seemed mean and she was too tired and empty to be mean today. Because she had a feeling maybe she should keep it.

Her door was wide open. In case anybody wanted some fruit. Poke at the mech droid. Bother Petey. Talk. Something. Right?

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"I can feed him," Romeo assured her, but slowly. "Keep him safe, warm. Break the bottle, if I have to."

He tilted his head at her. "You don't hate him," he said, stating the obvious with a note of surprise in his voice.

"You don't need to ... uh. I mean, if he needs to drink, that's okay, just ... not if it means he's not doing anything else and just drinking more and ..."

She shook her head quickly. "I don't. I ... I don't think I could. I almost wish I could, I'd just go 'hey, so glad that's over' and traipse off and ... I d-don't." She chewed her lower lip. "I just can't ... be with him, right now. You know?"

"You want his liver in one piece," Romeo stated. "I'll do my best, I promise."

He flopped onto the bed to take a seat. "Your heart doesn't work like that, you can't drop him like a child with an unwanted toy." Like, say, he had dropped Rosaline, but never mind that.

"I think it's meant to be a good thing."

"I wish ... I knew what happens now," she said softly. "He can't take back what he did, and I can't just ... pretend it isn't there, so I don't know ... I feel like I should talk to him, except there's nothing to talk about. It's just a ... chasm."

"None of us can take back what we did," Romeo said, almost fiercely. "Can you move past it, though, and let him be the man he wants to become, without .. without forgetting?"

"Or, is he going to do it again, whatever it is?"

Rikku chewed her lip, searching for words.

"It's his job," she said finally, figuring that, at least, was safe. "I don't think he's allowed to quit. I'm not even sure he'd want to. It's ... part of him. It's who he is. If they asked him to do it again, he would, because ... that's what happens, with his job. You do it or else."

"No exit," Romeo said, accepting that there were jobs you couldn't quit. "Like family, or place of birth, or ..." He sighed, pushed a hand through his hair. "I don't know what to tell you. Once I would have said love itself would conquer all obstacles."

"Maybe it does," she shrugged. "I mean. Hope does, kinda. Faith. Not the religious stuff? I mean. We promised we'd protect Yunie, so we did. And I promised myself I'd find a way to get her and Tidus back again, what they should have had, and ... I did. Maybe if you believe hard enough ..."

She sat down on the bed next to him, staring at her hands. "Yeah. Maybe if you believe enough, the magic fairy comes by and sprinkles you with shiny magic and everything's just peachy. I can't make this go away."

Romeo squinted at her. "I don't think I've ever heard you be cynical before."

"I'm tired," she admitted. "I'm tired of ... I don't know. The Guado, they're sorry, they really are. So I don't hate them. Because if I hate them, I'm just as bad as everyone who figured we Al Bhed were worthless. It just happens again, and again, and again. Next time it'll be Guadosalam burning down and lots of excuses that sound good at the time. So I don't hate them. I just ... I sometimes wish I could. I want to scream at them and shake them and hurt them, for what they did to us. But I have to be a better person than that. And I'm so tired of it. Of smiling nicely when someone calls me a heathen, and apologizing for Wakka screaming at me, and ... being a good person. I want to march down to Reno's room and throw things. It's not fair, it's not right, so I won't. I just ... I'm tired."

There were a lot of names and a lot of references in there that Romeo couldn't understand, but he understood enough to respond.

"So be tired," he said. "Or don't be tired. Rage at the Guadawhatever. Rage at fate. Rage at Reno, if you have to. Just ... don't smile nicely when you want to scream. Repressing this, trying to be nice -- I don't know what good that will do."

Edited 2008-04-03 03:38 (UTC)

"I don't want to hate," she said again. "And it's not ... what he's done is what he's done. He never did anything to me. He wouldn't. He hurt people I'll never meet or know anything about. So it seems like it's ... unfair to just storm down there and call him names. He's ... sorry. They're all sorry. And ..."

She kicked at the ground. "And I feel like it, anyway, and that's probably the last thing he needs, right now."

Damned if it didn't sound like a good idea, anyway.

Romeo needed a cigarette. Which was odd; he hadn't smoked much in months.

He leaned back on clenched fingers instead. "He hurt people," he said, dully. "Whether you knew them or not, that's .... it is what it is."

"Maybe he needs to be yelled at, and you need to yell, for you to get past this. If you want to get past it, anyhow."

"Maybe you're right," she mused, thinking on it some more. She smiled. "Or maybe I just wanna yell at him and that sounds like a good excuse for it."

Deep breath. "I don't know. About getting past this. Or wanting to. I do, and I don't, and I don't know what that means."

"It means you do and you don't," Romeo said, helpfully repeating the obvious. "And you might need to talk to him, or yell at him, or something in the middle, before you're sure."

He bit his lip, realizing he had no advice. "I feel like I'm being completely useless, here. If it were me, if I found out something like that about Yurika" -- which was less ludicrous than the poor boy realized -- "I'd definitely yell at her. I don't know what I'd do the next day."

"Totally not useless," Rikku said, shaking her head. "You brought hugs, which are gonna need a refill sooner or later, and you're listening to me ramble. I don't know what to do, either. Maybe it's just... you know. Either I want him back anyway, or I say I don't. It feels like those shouldn't be my only options. It feels stupid, like either I'm just gonna wave my hands and pretend I don't care about this, and it's huge, or I'm gonna ... lose us, because of something he did before we ever met. I don't like those options."

"You can have another hug whenever you want," he promised.

And closed his eyes, as if to meditate. "I don't think loving him has to mean pretending you don't care. Juliet -- she loved Tybalt, he was her mother's favorite nephew. But she forgave me. For all the good it did us, but still."

"Was it hard, for her?" Rikku asked. "I mean. Was she close to Tybalt, did she ... resent you, for a while?"

"She didn't say," Romeo said. "We only had the one night and ... I don't remember what we talked about. I know it wasn't about that."

"I guess that makes sense," she nodded. "I mean, you were ... getting sent off, right? The exile deal? If you've only got one night ..."

If Reno was getting sent back in the morning, would she go knock on his door? That ... was an interesting question.

"The exile deal," Romeo confirmed, a certain sorrow darkening his eyes. He'd been so certain, that night, that it was not the end it seemed but somehow a strange beginning; he'd been wrong.

"And it was our wedding night, so ..." He made a little hopeless gesture. "I am glad we didn't throw those hours away so she could chastise me. But you and Reno ... you have time, at least."

"Unless he gets a phone call from his boss. Hey, pack it in, go home." She shrugged. "I'm glad you didn't. I mean. Your wedding night, that's ... yelling and screaming at each other, that can wait, you can write letters about it later, just ... have the moment now, yeah?"

"But his boss hasn't done that yet," Romeo said, eyes still closed. "Do you think he will?"

"Sometimes I think all we ever have, anyhow, is a moment, and putting things off is asking for some disaster," he added.

"He almost did a month ago," Rikku said, putting her feet onto her bedframe so she could hug her knees against her chest. "I ... don't know. How long he's gonna be here. Maybe you're right. Maybe if I don't go down there now and talk to him, I'll miss the chance to do it. I ... just don't think I can, yet."

Romeo gave into an impulse to reach to hug her again. "He's not under sentence of death if he doesn't leave at dawn, at least. Take tonight, think and decide what you want to say."

"But can you do one thing for me?"

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