the_merriest | Room 308, Wednesday Midday

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Room 308, Wednesday Midday

Rikku was in her room. Working on her mech droid thing for Invent-o-whatever class.

Which was, thus far, a miserable failure, and not helped much by Petey attempting to eat the outlying bits of it.

That was okay. It was a mech droid. Mech droids were safe. Not arguments or coats or anything else she wasn't thinking about. Because she wasn't. She was working on her mech droid.

She had a fruit basket on her desk - hers, from class, because she hadn't given it to anyone yet. Because that seemed mean and she was too tired and empty to be mean today. Because she had a feeling maybe she should keep it.

Her door was wide open. In case anybody wanted some fruit. Poke at the mech droid. Bother Petey. Talk. Something. Right?

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"Not today," Romeo said, shaking his head. "Last night? Yurika, Jamie, Ferris, Brooke, Annette, at the party."

He frowned. "I didn't see you there." And, as her flatness registered, now he was looking at her more closely, remembering she had seemed sort of flat in religions class yesterday, too.

"How are you?"

"I didn't go," she said quickly. "I meant to. It sounded fun? I just. Didn't go. Uh. So you ... didn't talk to ... Reno. Okay."

That was good. No. That wasn't good. Reno was probably sitting in his room drinking himself into some sort of coma. That was bad. Very bad.

"You ... should," she decided abruptly. "Cause. He's ... not okay. I think. Maybe. And I can't. We sort of. Um."

Deep breath. "It's all wrong."

"I didn't talk to Reno," Romeo echoed, not quite sure where Rikku was going with this but forming an idea. "You ... you broke up? Did he hurt you somehow?"

Because if he did, as much as he loved Reno ... well. He knew Rikku first.

Edited 2008-04-02 23:54 (UTC)

"No," she said quickly. "Not ... not like that. He wouldn't. I mean. You know."

She stared at the mess of droid parts on her bed, then shook her head.

"I'm not ... sure how much ... I mean. It's okay to ..." Deep breath. "He's ... done things. And I can't just ... be okay with it. And. He's your friend too, so I can't ... tell you, in case you're not okay with it 'cause he probably needs someone and he deserves to get to tell you if he's gonna, I mean, and I know it's nothing to do with me, I just can't ..."

She squeezed her eyes shut, shivering. "Sorry. This. I don't mean to - I have to sound crazy and I ..."

Romeo listened closely, trying to make sense of the fragmented sentences, of what Rikku was saying in part by how much she was not saying it.

She'd listened to his own story, the whole soggy sorry mess of it, without blinking, without a cross look at him. What Reno did, then ...

Was for him to ask Reno. Later. He was talking to Rikku, now.

"You don't sound mad," he said, first. "Just ... confused. And a little broken."

"What can I do?" he asked, tentative. Getting sympathy was much easier than giving it.

She sniffled again, and gave him a hesitant smile. And then walked over and reached out for a squeezy sort of hug.

"This helps," she said, snuggling in a little. Because it did. "And, uh, something else. If it's okay. It's cool if it isn't."

If she needed a hug, she'd get one. He squeezed her tighter. "Ask me," he suggested. "I'll do it, if I can."

"Can you ..." She frowned. "Check ... up on him? I don't mean now or anything, just ..."

She squeezed harder. "He might not be ... okay. He. Might just be in his room drinking and not stopping for anything else and ..."

And she didn't hate him. And that was. Bad. And.

"I can feed him," Romeo assured her, but slowly. "Keep him safe, warm. Break the bottle, if I have to."

He tilted his head at her. "You don't hate him," he said, stating the obvious with a note of surprise in his voice.

"You don't need to ... uh. I mean, if he needs to drink, that's okay, just ... not if it means he's not doing anything else and just drinking more and ..."

She shook her head quickly. "I don't. I ... I don't think I could. I almost wish I could, I'd just go 'hey, so glad that's over' and traipse off and ... I d-don't." She chewed her lower lip. "I just can't ... be with him, right now. You know?"

"You want his liver in one piece," Romeo stated. "I'll do my best, I promise."

He flopped onto the bed to take a seat. "Your heart doesn't work like that, you can't drop him like a child with an unwanted toy." Like, say, he had dropped Rosaline, but never mind that.

"I think it's meant to be a good thing."

"I wish ... I knew what happens now," she said softly. "He can't take back what he did, and I can't just ... pretend it isn't there, so I don't know ... I feel like I should talk to him, except there's nothing to talk about. It's just a ... chasm."

"None of us can take back what we did," Romeo said, almost fiercely. "Can you move past it, though, and let him be the man he wants to become, without .. without forgetting?"

"Or, is he going to do it again, whatever it is?"

Rikku chewed her lip, searching for words.

"It's his job," she said finally, figuring that, at least, was safe. "I don't think he's allowed to quit. I'm not even sure he'd want to. It's ... part of him. It's who he is. If they asked him to do it again, he would, because ... that's what happens, with his job. You do it or else."

"No exit," Romeo said, accepting that there were jobs you couldn't quit. "Like family, or place of birth, or ..." He sighed, pushed a hand through his hair. "I don't know what to tell you. Once I would have said love itself would conquer all obstacles."

"Maybe it does," she shrugged. "I mean. Hope does, kinda. Faith. Not the religious stuff? I mean. We promised we'd protect Yunie, so we did. And I promised myself I'd find a way to get her and Tidus back again, what they should have had, and ... I did. Maybe if you believe hard enough ..."

She sat down on the bed next to him, staring at her hands. "Yeah. Maybe if you believe enough, the magic fairy comes by and sprinkles you with shiny magic and everything's just peachy. I can't make this go away."

Romeo squinted at her. "I don't think I've ever heard you be cynical before."

"I'm tired," she admitted. "I'm tired of ... I don't know. The Guado, they're sorry, they really are. So I don't hate them. Because if I hate them, I'm just as bad as everyone who figured we Al Bhed were worthless. It just happens again, and again, and again. Next time it'll be Guadosalam burning down and lots of excuses that sound good at the time. So I don't hate them. I just ... I sometimes wish I could. I want to scream at them and shake them and hurt them, for what they did to us. But I have to be a better person than that. And I'm so tired of it. Of smiling nicely when someone calls me a heathen, and apologizing for Wakka screaming at me, and ... being a good person. I want to march down to Reno's room and throw things. It's not fair, it's not right, so I won't. I just ... I'm tired."

There were a lot of names and a lot of references in there that Romeo couldn't understand, but he understood enough to respond.

"So be tired," he said. "Or don't be tired. Rage at the Guadawhatever. Rage at fate. Rage at Reno, if you have to. Just ... don't smile nicely when you want to scream. Repressing this, trying to be nice -- I don't know what good that will do."

Edited 2008-04-03 03:38 (UTC)

"I don't want to hate," she said again. "And it's not ... what he's done is what he's done. He never did anything to me. He wouldn't. He hurt people I'll never meet or know anything about. So it seems like it's ... unfair to just storm down there and call him names. He's ... sorry. They're all sorry. And ..."

She kicked at the ground. "And I feel like it, anyway, and that's probably the last thing he needs, right now."

Damned if it didn't sound like a good idea, anyway.

Romeo needed a cigarette. Which was odd; he hadn't smoked much in months.

He leaned back on clenched fingers instead. "He hurt people," he said, dully. "Whether you knew them or not, that's .... it is what it is."

"Maybe he needs to be yelled at, and you need to yell, for you to get past this. If you want to get past it, anyhow."

"Maybe you're right," she mused, thinking on it some more. She smiled. "Or maybe I just wanna yell at him and that sounds like a good excuse for it."

Deep breath. "I don't know. About getting past this. Or wanting to. I do, and I don't, and I don't know what that means."

"It means you do and you don't," Romeo said, helpfully repeating the obvious. "And you might need to talk to him, or yell at him, or something in the middle, before you're sure."

He bit his lip, realizing he had no advice. "I feel like I'm being completely useless, here. If it were me, if I found out something like that about Yurika" -- which was less ludicrous than the poor boy realized -- "I'd definitely yell at her. I don't know what I'd do the next day."

"Totally not useless," Rikku said, shaking her head. "You brought hugs, which are gonna need a refill sooner or later, and you're listening to me ramble. I don't know what to do, either. Maybe it's just... you know. Either I want him back anyway, or I say I don't. It feels like those shouldn't be my only options. It feels stupid, like either I'm just gonna wave my hands and pretend I don't care about this, and it's huge, or I'm gonna ... lose us, because of something he did before we ever met. I don't like those options."

"You can have another hug whenever you want," he promised.

And closed his eyes, as if to meditate. "I don't think loving him has to mean pretending you don't care. Juliet -- she loved Tybalt, he was her mother's favorite nephew. But she forgave me. For all the good it did us, but still."

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